It's done. I'm done. Ah hell, we're all done.

I had my surgery Wednesday. The 14th. I still feel like crap. Total crap. I'm extremely grateful that I don't have to be to work until next Monday. Although I do need to 'pop in' on Wednesday to take care of payroll. That's gonna be super fun. Anywho. I figured I'd type all this up while it's still semi fresh so I don't forget things.. It's mainly for me so feel no pressure to read to the end. I DO promise there will be loads and loads of unanticipated drama. ;-)

Surgery went as well as it could be all things considered. I'm a 29 year old female that had a full hysterectomy. Yeah you read it right. I went from a partial to a full overnight. At my pre-op I discussed with my Dr the pain I'd been having on my right side. So he gave me the option of taking out 'righty'. The selling point was when he told me that if it were his wide or daughter or sister he'd suggest taking it so as not to risk another surgery. Which would happen. So he took righty, lefty, the ute and all the other bits and pieces. I don't know that this reality has quite sent in yet. I'm still trying to deal with the physical side of things. Emotionally I expect tomorrow or Wednesday I'll breakdown.

There was way more drama surrounding my surgery than I'm ok with. With drama came stress and again, I'm not ok with it. It really all started the day of my pre-op (aka the day before surgery). Bear with me. The story is long and I'll be referencing my texts to make sure I get it right...

Tuesday morning as I was pulling into work I got a text from my MIL. (She works L&D with my surgeon) Apparently she took it upon herself to discuss with him the 'best' time for ME to have surgery and asked that I be 'last case'. She did this because LTL and I made jokes about how he had school in the morning and I guess I'd just have to find someone else to take me. ALL jokes mind you. Also part of me believes she wanted my surgery to be after her shift ended so she could hang out with LTL. I responded with 'I'll talk to my dr at my appt'. Well the appt was hours away and that gave me time to stew and get pissed and make a plan of action. I told my dr at my appt MIL was not allowed in my room, I didn't want her knowing anything, we were not close and I didn't appreciate her talking to him about me and she was wrong about what I 'needed'. He was great about it and said when she'd spoken with him he'd been vague as in 'oh? she's on my schedule tomorrow? I guess I'll see that when we do the surgery schedule'. BUT it all came dangerously close to a hipaa violation. And in all honesty it pissed me off. I'm 29, married, an adult, I pay all my own bills and most importantly I'M NOT HER DAMN DAUGHTER. I'm a daughter in LAW. But she had no right whatsoever to discuss my medical care with my surgeon.
Skip ahead to 4:00PM that day... This is how the text conversation went..

MIL - What time is your surgery tomorrow?

ME I thought you already talked to Dr. Y about it and told him I needed an end of day appt.

MIL - Told him right after you Txt me that you worked it out with Ty and you would talk to him at your appt!

ME - Hmm.

MIL - Hmm what

ME - I'm disappointed that you told him what you thought I needed. I appreciate that you are willing to help. I just prefer that I handle my own stuff as I am old enough to do so. It makes me feel like a child and that frustrates me.

MIL - Fine wont try and be helpful again

ME - And I knew you would take it that way. I'm not asking that you never help again I'm asking that you leave my decisions to me. I'm an adult and if anyone has any right to impact my medical decisions and care it's my husband.

MIL - Done not even going to try

ME - Whatever. You wouldn't be so mad if you didn't know I was completely justified in saying this.

MIL - No you just said sunday ty ice to work. Ask dr when he did surgery. Told him thought ty had to work until 1. He said he could do last case. I Txt you. You Txt me back. Saw him about 30 min later told him what you said and i Txt you that already. Nothing wro in my book with that.

ME - The problem I have is you spoke to my doctor about my surgery & I didn't ask you to. I'm well over 18. Its hard enough having to go through this. I don't need more stress & more being upset. I'm done arguing with you & you can choose to listen to what I've said & move forward WITH me & continue to better our relationship as we have been (which is what I want because I do love you) or you can choose to stubborn & choose to be mad @ me.

MIL - bottom line is I was trying to help


I feel like I argued with a 15 year old. Really. I also feel I was completely justified in tell her it bothered me. If I don't she'll never stop and I can't live like that. It made me feel violated all over again and I had that sick feeling in my stomach that I had when she painted our bedroom when I was gone visiting LTL in tech school. OH I you haven't heard that story? I'll save it for another day. It's a doozy.

So the drama continues. Day of surgery she says nothing to me but she is texting LTL like CRAZY. I catch a glimpse at what she's saying and ultimately she's telling him I did it intentionally to hurt her. That I knew she'd respond that way and I did i tall on purpose. Well shit. Of course I knew she'd get mad. She ALWAYS does no matter what. So I asked LTL if I was out of line with what he said and he said SHE was out of line and overstepped boundaries and I had every right to say something and I SHOULD have said something.

Time goes on and she's still texting my husband and he's texting his dad trying to figure out how to deal with this. At this point I decide I'm done and I'm not dealing with her anymore. LTL doesn't need it. I get wheeled into the pre-op area and I had the same nurse do my IV that did it last time. Crazy HUH? She was super nice so that was good. The Anesthesiologist was different this time and he had the WORST bedside manner ever. Total douche. The last one gave me the 'calm you down' meds before taking me from my husband. This one waited till I was crying in the OR to do it. Great. I'm 'The Crier'.

I'm not sure where exactly I was when I woke up. I remember seeing LTL shortly after though. Boy howdy was I happy. They gave me the basic rundown of 'it went well here's what is going to happen yada yada yada' I asked LTL to get my bag which contained my lip gloss and cell phone. Good hell my lips were beyond chapped. Hook a girl up with some chapstick while she's in the OR!

I turn on my phone and what's the first message I receive?


"Next time just tell me you don't want me there. I'm ok with that."

The woman sent that to me while I was in surgery.. The first and only thing I get from my MIL post surgery was that. Now seeing as how I just had major surgery, I was still out of it, I was in pain and emotionally I just wasn't sure where I was I did the only thing I could. I began to cry. Uncontrollably. I remember asking LTL why his mom was being so mean and why she hated me enough to say those things to me. All the crying and hysterics practically sent me hyperventilating and nurses and such came in quickly and tried to calm me down.

I will NEVER forget that moment. The moment where I realized that my MIL was not who I thought she was and that I was willing to throw aside any kind of relationship with her in order to save my sanity and well being.
I sent my SIL messages explaining what had happened and she was shocked. This was an all time low for our MIL. Never before had she treated either of us this badly. I don't know that I can go back to trying to rebuild another one-sided relationship. I feel her motives are not what they should be and it worries me. The relationship 'needs' to be rebuilt but I don't know that it can be. I don't know how do and most importantly I don't know that I WANT to. It's so much work trying to walk on eggshells around her. I'm sick of tip toeing around important matters that I have strong feelings on.

In the hours after surgery I got zero rest. Who thought it was a good idea to tell a patient to sleep but then come in every 2 hours to either take vitals or give pain meds? LTL stayed the night in the uncomfortable pull-out chair in my room. He's a saint I tell you. An amazing, cuddly, caring, warm, thoughtful, strong, smart, handsome saint. He got almost zero sleep. Every time I looked over he was looking back at me. One of the times I was woken up it was by the phlebotomist. Yay for a blood draw at like 3 am. WTF. Me being the needle phobe I am asked what it was for (since NOBODY told me anyone would be coming in to draw blood and hey a patient has rights to know) she replied with something like 'oh we need to check levels to make sure you didn't lose too much blood during delivery'. WHAT THE FUGH girl? I said, 'what?!' so she stupidly replied asking when I delivered and I told her I didn't. I had a hysterectomy. She oh well that's why we're checking. That wasn't the first time I had someone ask me when I had delivered or make reference to me having a c-section. I was too dumbfounded to say anything. Really I was too medicated to do anything but let my jaw hang open. So today I'll be calling to speak with head of nursing. Nobody should have to answer those questions in a situation other than if they delivered a healthy thriving baby.

Moving on, I was released on Thursday after successfully peeing in the potty with minimal help form my nurse (hello awkward) and having my IV removed. (which the site STILL hurts). LTL drove me home and told me his parents were bringing us dinner. *sigh* Apparently they didn't ask if they could they told him they were bringing it. By they I mean SHE. LTL's dad is also a SAINT. He is one of the more caring wonderful men I have ever met and I need to thank him more and more for the major influence he had on LTL and how he treats me because I know it comes from him. Anywho, they came, dropped off food and MIL acted as though nothing had happened. Believe you me this is far from over. I WILL have my non medicated talk with her soon enough.

So, here I am. It's Monday and I'm hanging out at home. LTL is home between classes to walk the pups and check on me. In case I have not said this enough, LTL is a SAINT. He has been amazing. I know I'm not easy to deal with right now. I hope my emotions don't go too crazy when reality sets in on what's happened. He doesn't deserve that but he's told me he's prepared for it. Haha. He's AMAZING. I love him dearly and appreciate him more than I can ever express.