I find the connection between IF and car shopping insane.
Recently I have begun looking to replace my Jeep, Mallow. She's amazing and more. I can't count how many times her heated seats have soothed my overly aggressive cramps or how many times I've cranked her sound system to a favorite song or playlist to drown out the sound of my sobbing. I always envisioned a car seat behind me or LTL and then out fur babies in the cargo area where they would poke their heads up to check on our little miracle.
I had grand plans with/for Mallow.
So as I browse through endless car pictures and search for the perfect gas efficient all wheel drive moderately priced sedan I can't help but wonder if me getting a sedan is jinxing things.
I was raised in a neighborhood where damn near everyone had their SUV filled with kids. There weren't many mini vans, lots of suburbans and tahoes and such. I considered a Jeep the perfect starter SUV. I knew we'd easily fill it. I was so wrong.
I feel a little like I'm giving up by trading in Mallow. I feel like I'm settling. I feel like I'm sealing my fate and limiting our future. Stupid I know but I've been feeling pretty irrational lately.
Non car related story? Why yes. I have one.
Last Sunday was the in law family dinner. I expected it to be pretty normal. Not too exciting but still fun. It was so hard.
The couple with the baby were there. It was the first family dinner since he was born. As we pulled up to the grandparents house I saw their car and automatically had a hard time breathing and a panic attack began debating it's entrance into my mind for the night.
I spent the entire night staring at my phone avoiding eye contact with almost everyone and trying to not look to much at the baby. We left early and on our way home I cried. It wasn't supposed to be this way. It wasn't supposed to be this way. For me or for my sister in law.
I still feel like every time I think I have a little grasp on things and I feel like I'm making progress I get knocked flat on my ass. Yup. My ass is getting really bruised from all this.
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Sorry for the bad dinner experience. as for cars, my parents never had anything other than sedans and my sister didn't get anything bigger until she had her 4th kid. So they are certainly acceptable for children. I think they are especially good with babies since SUVs have the back seats farther away.
ReplyDeleteI've had similar experiences w/family dinners and babies around that remind you of what you're missing. I'm so sorry things are the way they are. It seems life never goes the way you want it to in the areas that end up feeling the most important.
ReplyDeleteAs for cars, sedans aren't so bad-don't feel like you're giving up, you never know what may happen. And you can always trade back up to an suv in the future!