Tapping out

I feel like I should be tapping out like wrestlers or whoever do when things have gotten to be too much. I just want to disappear from things for a while. There are a million and one pregnancy announcements going around and I'm feeling like I'm at the end of my rope ready to strangle myself. (not really. It's just the only thing I could come up with dealing with a rope, haha)

I walked out of church on Sunday. It wasn't just the baby blessings (Although it usually is). Everyone that got up and talked was either depressing, thoughtless or just kinda bonkers. There were talks about babies dying, suicide attempts and one case of pregnancy being thrown in the face of 'infertiles'. So I decided one of my New Years resolutions/goals is to not sit and listen to nonsense and stuff that makes me feel worse. I have this theory that church isn't supposed to make you feel worse it's supposed to be uplifting and make you feel better than when you walked in. So no more sitting through painful talks and such.

Friday we have our orientation class with the adoption agency we are going through. I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm emotional. I'm so nervous/scared to think that we are about to leave us becoming parents to an agency and a birth mother. I'm nervous about the cost. I hope they don't want a large lump sum. I think they allow payment along the way. Boy oh boy I'm scared shitless.

I don't know what I can do to make the time pass by faster.. or slower. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep well tonight or tomorrow night. I'm at a total loss. I have some sleep meds to help but I've got to be up early tomorrow so I can help out at my brother in laws office (his office manager AND dental assistant are no longer with the office. A house cleaning of sorts.)

In other realms of my life I've begun making changes. I'm doing a MAJOR career change. Currently I'm a hairstylist and have been for 10+ years. In September I left the day spa I'd been working at for 5 years to go to a booth rent salon that is a lot more hip and edgy. WELL, I just accepted a job offer at a financial institution for a full time 40 hour a week position. It's a gigantic change for me. It's been a long time since I worked for a large corporation of sorts. The best thing is they have amazing benefits. Good enough that if LTL wanted to cut back hours while he is in school he could and we'd have as good of insurance as we have now. (It's pretty damn good. It was willing to cover $15,000 of IF expenses over a lifetime which I thought was great. I wish all insurance companies covered IF expenses without a limit. If they did we might still be trying for a biological baby) I'm really hoping that this will relieve some stress for LTL. It'll also relieve some stress for me by leaving the salon scene. I'm ready to be done.

My wrist and shoulder just can't take it anymore. I had surgery about 7 years ago on my shoulder and it didn't really work. I'm in a LOT of pain a lot of the time. It's frustrating. I'm really going to miss my clients. I think I'll try to still do some hair on the side but I doubt a lot of clients will want to come to a home salon that lacks a credit card machine. It's just not close to the level of professionalism they're used to. A problem that I'm trying to fix is, I don't know who I'm going to refer my clients to. I have a friend at work that in theory I could refer them to but most of the personalities aren't going to mesh and she licks balls at men's hair and I have a fair amount of male clients. So I'm torn. So much stress this week. It's exhausting!

Well, time is up for me today. My wrist and shoulder are begging me to give them a break. So I'm gong to hurry and make comments on a few blogs and go figure out what to make for dinner. Peace out peeps. Hope you're having an absolutely splendid day.