Today LTL and I went to the orientation class for our adoption agency. We got a lot of info and a packet to go through sign and return. I'd be lying if I said I felt total relief after the class but I didn't and that worries me. A LOT. LTL and I went out to lunch after and it was nice having more 1 on 1 time with him as the next 6ish weeks are going to be rough.
My mind has been unable to stop racing despite the taking of a xanax at lunch. There are 2 classes we HAVE to attend and one of the days I have a schedule conflict. I'm not supposed to be taking any time off the first 6 weeks at work but I may end up having to ask about it as the next class wouldn't be until JUNE. (which is when a certain expectant mother is due that is considering placing her baby and has been kind of thinking of us) They only do these classes 4 times a year. I think that is the major cause of this chick's racing mind. It kind of makes me sick to my stomach. It made it so I could barely eat lunch. I want so badly to jump into all this and the fact that there is a potential problem just makes me want to cry. I know I'm over reacting but that doesn't make it any easier.
On the major upside we found out how they charge and when they expect certain fees and IT'S SOOOO POSSIBLE! They only ask for $1,000 at the beginning and then the rest is due at placement!! Which definitely gives us time to save up some more $$. We could actually pay cash for it. That part makes me happy. Really happy.
Here's the super stressful and extremely random part... I actually starting wondering if we should have tried donor sperm. It's something that we both decided against yet it has popped up in my head a few times. It's weird it's random it's stressful and it's making me wonder what the hell is wrong with me. I was 100% sure I was over this whole getting preg deal. Now it's just sitting in the back of my mind bouncing around like a rubber ball with no direction.
I guess my next step is to spend some serious time thinking/praying.etc about all this. I'm going to try to talk to our church person and see if he has any council on it all.
Anyone have any fabulous suggestions on sifting through all this stuff? Haha
This all sounds so stressful. If there is anything I can do let me know.
ReplyDeleteWe learned about my husband infertility and I have a health condition so we decided to go straight to adoption. Unfortunately, we didn't sign up with a very goood or ethical agency (it has since been shut down), and after a stressful experience with the agency (2 years later), I turned to my husband and pointed out that there is nothing with my fertility (that we knew of at that time...it just turns out that I'm unexplained) anyway, I said that since I can get pregnant, why don't we try using a donor? After much discussion...I would only do it if he was willing to be open with would-be child so after a lot of talking we decided to try donor sperm. It did not work for me although it does for others, as matter of fact that health condition I mentioned was aggravated by the hormones used in IF, so while I was recovering we signed up with an adoption consultant group, did homestudy, signed up with 5 agencies the consulting group had checked out (I was paranoid about a dishonest agency after our first experience), but 3 months later we were picked. I guess I don't really have a point other than doing IF with donor sperm is just as difficult, you get the same emotional ups and downs, whereas with adoption you know definitely that you will be a mommy.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your comments on my blog! Actually the double comments totally made me smile - no worries at all about the mixup. And while we are not pursuing adoption right now, it has been something I've been talking about - so you were definitely not too far off. :)
ReplyDeleteI could relate to you second guessing you decision and wondering about ds - I wonder if I will ever feel 100% certain about a decision unless I actually have the child?! This is something I really struggle with right now - I just don't feel peace about adoption OR treatments. Gah. So thanks for sharing honestly.
I hope you adoption journey flies by uneventfully and you have your child in your arms very soon!
xoxo
makingmemom.blogspot.com