Just when I thought the day was going oh so well...

Ok so I'm an idiot... at least I'm self proclaimed. Right? There has to be some sort of merit in that. I hope.

So here's the stupid thing I did on Monday. I emailed a former friend/co-worker. Shouldn't be a big issue.. RIGHT? Well it was a HUGE deal. Back when I first started on Clomid I had a friend/co-worker that was TTC as well. It'd only been 2 months for her. Naturally she got pregnant while I was doing my first round with Clomid and I got a BFN where she got a BFP.

We'd talked quite a bit before and she knew how worried I was that it wouldn't happen and she knew how hurtful it was when other co-workers threw things in my face. She HAD felt the same way. She also knew that both my sisters had trouble TTC and one went through 2 IVF cycles. (Happy ending though. She has a 7 y/o boy that was the product of IVF #2) I gave a LOT of information to her and opened up a lot. Needless to say we quickly grew distant as all she could talk about to our co-workers or anyone else was how she was preg.

I needed space as I distanced myself as far as I could. Not only was I having super wonderful (sarcasm) side effects from Clomid but LTL and I were getting ready for him to leave for BMT. It was a lot to handle. After all, he was leaving 2 wks after our 1 year anniversary. I was beyond emotional.

Fast forward to him leaving. I could barely compose myself at work. I found myself crying to and from work. It was bad news. I was uber depressed. Around this time was when I was told our next step was an RE. Not sure I really remember that time very well. I think I've blocked it out. But anywho, right about then this friend, let's call her Myrna, got into a car accident and was in the hospital while they monitored the baby. I had NO knowledge of this. I was far too depressed and wrapped up in my own little life so it's possible someone told me. I'd also been working at a different location from her so news didn't reach me very fast. Apparently me not 'caring' about her and asking her about stuff is what set me up to have my 'friend' be the cruelest one out there.

She threw EVERYTHING baby and pregnancy related in my face. When I would walk into a room there was suddenly baby/pregnancy talk. She did it on purpose. She even admitted it. It went on until she stopped working. It was pure hell for me.

Now here's my big old stupid ass move.

Gotta love Facebook. Right? WRONG! She kept popping up on my 'people you may know' list. So I msg'd her. Explained why I didn't 'OMG how are you doing' msg her back then. Her reply? Oh she's fine with it know. Still thinks of me. Asks anyone I know about me. Questions like 'how is she? does she seem happy?' Are you fuggin kiddin me? Do I SEEM happy? Bitch please. I AM happy.

Apparently one of our common 'friends' told her that we're unable to have biological children and hope to adopt. ALL our common friends know I wish to not have anything passed along info wise to her. Just change the subject or say you don't know. They all know exactly how I feel about them telling her ANYTHING. I just don't want or need people like her in my life. I never thought that someone I was such good friends with could be so ruthless and vindictive.

So that was my stupid move and I'm now paying the price. I have to decide who I can trust with info YET AGAIN. I'm so sick of this. I'm open about something and it bites me in the ass. Again.